help! how to write a tention buliding story

Pancake , Wednesday, 11th of August 2010 01:18:50 PM

can u tell me haow can l improve this pls

The rain was pouring

Pancake

down from the dark sky like a bucket being emptied in a sink. The water

Registered User

was gathering in puddles like a bath tub filling with water. Splash,

Joined: Monday, 24th of May 2010, 13:16:45

Sploosh, Splash children were playing in the puddle and filling the night

Posts: 1448

with the raucous laughter.
l was lying in my bed happy and thinking

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about my wonderful day at my new job. Only two days have passed since l
moved in this big house. “This village is small and yet l have not seen
the whole of it” l sat on my bed getting ready to have a look around.

A vulture just passed above me and a chill ran down my spine l
decided to see where it was heading. Darkness was setting in quickly and
he was beginning the lose sight of the path. Suddenly l heard a scream
coming from the old haunted house-the only hose on the fear street. Creepy
noises were coming from the forest nearby.
l turned ...nothing....l
remember hearing footsteps but there was nobody near. l ran into the old
creepy house unfortunately where l thought l would be safe. Sweat dripping
from my forehead, l staggered breathless, downwards into the narrowing
corridor, daring not to glance back; he quickly picked up his pace and ran
for all he was worth. The footsteps behind were muffled and he could not
make out how far away his predator was. As l want past a dark spooky
corridor l saw a wellington boot in the corner, “where was the other
boot?” l remember that this house was empty for 50 years then how did
this new boot get here. Is anyone in here if yes then where? The darkness
was folding around me like a cloak.
With the heavy rain pouring out
side, l stepped silently into the safe blackness of the shadows within the
cold eerie house, hiding from the tall dark figure getting closer, closer-
a flash of metal. l doubled over, his lungs searching desperately for air.
Suddenly l fell hard, tripped a metal door banging my head, l did not stop
though, the door swung open, falling faster and faster my clammy hands
flying through the air, reaching for something, anything to grasp hold of
but my head hurt, the pressure unbearable. l lost my balance and then
everything went black.
The lights in the room were dim. l was waking
up. What happened? Where was I? l tried to sit up, but could not because l
was tied with a rope. l new l was in terrible danger. l glanced around to
figure out where l was when suddenly my eyes were shocked: what was that?
It took me a while to realize that l was staring at a rotten tooth. Who
did it belong to and what was it doing here?
How was l going to get
out of here? My head was spinning with lots of question, but no . Then
abruptly a door opened and the hell was revealed......

/>thanks in advance

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help! how to write a tention buliding story

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